Hell is not in your contact list

I sat down to pick up a conversation on Skype and typed in the words . . . Hel . . . when Skype kindly informed me that 'Hell' was not in my contact list. I can't tell you how enormously relieved I was to be told that and how kind of Skype to let me know!

I started thinking about how appropriate that message was this morning. I have worked so hard at being good lately – not yelling at the kids, not loosing faith, serving others in need although suffering myself, watching my 11 month old niece even while I had a million other things to do, holding tight to my dreams, focusing on my kids when they talk to me and Listening, yes, listening, and ignoring rude people.

The very latter has been tough this weekend . . . let me start explaining by asking you if I told you we had a garage sale? We sold all sorts of things – valuable, once valuable to us, and oddly valuable to others. In anticipation of our trek to Southern California for Law school, we sold things we loved that we knew from experience would be difficult to move. In my bedroom, which is very large with high ceilings and a wall of windows, my oasis, my office, my haven, I have a very fancy entertainment center too big to move with us into a home, without the same kind of space, which undoubtedly we won't get in California. I brought people inside from the drive who expressed interest in buying furniture which is only 2 years old and in lovely condition. Some of the people I brought into my room actually made comments – yes, in front of me – about how I had decorated the room. It was as they were in RC Willey or some fancy furniture store and felt compelled to criticize. They said things while pointing to my bedroom furniture and window seats piled full of pillows – which were not on sale – like, "I wouldn't pay $2 for that!" "I don't like the color . . . .(of my bedspread? Who asked you?) "This rug doesn't go with the room!" "I couldn't sleep with all those windows!" "I wouldn't put that in MY house" "This is to fancy for me!" One lady who came into my home grunted in distaste as I showed her what we were offering in our front room. When she wanted to know what else I had, so I mentioned the entertainment center in my room, with obvious reluctance to show her into my room. She bowled her way in, practically shouted that she couldn't use that, "didn't I know she only had 8 foot ceilings in her basement?!" and then stomped her feet like a child before fleeing the premise as if I had let loose poison gas (no, I hadn't) and that was one of the nicer experiences I had!

Okay, lest you think I am a slob . . . (I am not, well at least NOT when I know people will be coming into my room!!!) . . . you need to know that my room is perfectly lovely to me and the fact that I am not a designer doesn't in any way excuse the thoughtless comments of people coming in to look at one piece of furniture for sale in my room. I mean isn't it bad enough that people offered .0001 cents on the dollar for my lovely things spread out on the drive? I did expect that but to come into my home and see furniture that I had obviously chosen and cared for and critique it in front of me like they were at a home show and I was a real estate agent and they were going to show how much they didn't like it before they made an offer?

By the end of Day 1 of our 2-day garage sale, I was thinking awfully unkind things about my fellow man.

Now I must add here that with all this we had some amazingly nice people – people who paid full price knowing they were getting a good deal. People who helped us through the process – like Chad's kind "NEW" parents who brought their camper down, parked in the driveway for few days, and helped us do everything for the sale AND weeded our front drive, made dinner, and fixed our screens so I have a lovely fly-less breeze in our house. There were those kind folks who came in to chat, buy a few books for the cause, and kindly remark that they would miss us if we moved. In spite of the goodness I did receive from those few, I am human, and felt invaded, violated and hurt by the thoughtless remarks of people, people who by the way came in made their comments in my home AND . . . incidentally, did not buy a thing!

A few days have passed, remnants of the garage sale packed into the garage for the next one (I know what could we be thinking?!), during which I won't be inviting people into my home without tying gags to their mouths.

Honestly it has been weirdly difficult! I can't walk into my room without remembering those strangers who critiqued my haven. I feel invaded and somehow less comfortable! So, obviously my thoughts are not kind and most surely not get me into Heaven! So, you can see why I would be relieved to know that 'hell' is not in my contact list. So, today, since Skype has chosen to forgive me, and give me a second chance, perhaps I should follow suite, and forgive and forget! I forgive you rude garage sales attendees who critiqued my haven and didn't buy a thing! I forgive you but please don't come back! There, done, gone forgotten! I wonder how Skype executives would feel about the new service they have provided?

Getting your kids to do chores without complaint

Just as school got out this year I threatened the usual daily list of chores for each summer day. The rule last year was "You do your list and you are free!" The list which I posted in the usual place – on the refrigerator door – outlined daily chores that had to be done before the TV or any other electronic devices were used. I thought it a great idea but my kids talked all year about how mean I had been the last summer, how hard they had worked and how I had not had to do anything.

What I remember about last summer was slightly different. I remember being a drill sergeant every morning and well I admit it yelling a lot! Shouting at them to . . . get out of bed, turn off the TV, and the endless have you cleaned the bathroom yet? We have a big house with a lot of bathrooms – a necessary curse that they need to be cleaned. I also remember, yes I am weak, giving in mid -summer because I was tired of yelling and working so hard to get the kids to do their chores. This summer, not feeling creative enough to try something different I planned to try the same thing. Make a hefty list and be the Sheriff of electronics til each list was complete. The Sunday before the first week of summer break we had a family meeting to discuss "the plans" for the summer.

Before I even launched into the usual plan for No electronics til chores are done I was met with solid opposition. My oldest, 15, said, "Mom, we are old enough to know what chores need to be done, we don't need lists. We can do them ourselves." My 12 and 9 year-olds chimed in and even my husband (who hates when I yell and likes to be the good guy) agreed. "Summers are meant to be fun . . . let's just give them a general list and let them govern their own time," said my husband, who I am entirely sure must have been brainwashed by one of them. They all nodded in unison and said they would be so adept at doing their chores I wouldn't have to yell or lift a finger!

What could I do? Without an in-home drill sergeant or a whip, I was outvoted out numbered. So, quite dubiously I said, "Okay, we will try it for two weeks. I will expect you do all your chores before you ask to do anything, be driven anywhere, or engage in any electronics other than basic electrical uses such as lighting and home-cleaning appliances." They all rolled their eyes so I shut my mouth. I was tempted by their magical words . . . sleeping in . . . everything done without raising my voice . . . .that truly would be remarkable way to enjoy the summer.

Ha! Would you like to know what happened during the last two weeks?

Day one went well, dishes done and then on the morning of day 2 I noticed that my son's dirty socks had spread from his room throughout the house, by day 5 I had found one in the pantry between the flour and pasta. By day 6 a lovely black Mold had grown in the corner of one of our showers. By day 7 the TV was running 24/7 and their electronics were strewn across the house – one game was on while they were playing another! By day 8, all the basic dishes in the house had disappeared and a pile of pans were "soaking" in the sink and there was a pile, window high in the laundry room covering the floor in a big hairy mound. By day 9 there was giant mud prints all over the floors, including up and around the mountain of laundry. By day 10, we had driven 56 times, 8 trips in one day, and with each trip "mentioned" that the chores were not done. I heard every promise and excuse in the book from my kids and my husband whose "good guy" reputation was on the line and never shouted once. By day 13 the weeds had grown to five feet, the lawn which hadn't been mowed was competing to match its height and to cap it off two kittens complete with kitty litter appeared in my garage!

On Sunday, at the beginning of week 3, I held a family meeting. I listened patiently for one moment as they extolled their virtuous accomplishments during the two weeks -- My son mastered all of the basic levels on Nintendo DS, McKall had read 5 books and written 3 short stories (which by the way were mixed with Merrick's socks on the floor), Maddy had had 12 sleepovers away from home so she at least had not dirtied her share of dishes and had kept her room clean.

I took a cleansing breath, decided that they were right and I had enjoyed not yelling, and then I calmly banned all use of any electronic equipment for one week, told them they were doing the cooking and started waking them at 7 am to start with the weeds. And, looking at my husband with a sweet smile, I said, "Since summers are meant to be fun, that ban includes you too!"

It is day 3 of the ban and so far this is what has happened. My kitchen floors are mopped, the dishes we could find are clean and in the cupboards, the laundry diminished to a normal size, dogs washed, bathrooms scrubbed, garage cleaned, kitties hidden perhaps where the dishes were, weeding commenced. Yesterday my son asked me if he was old enough to use the vacuum and proceeded to clean the front room. He said he was having friends over and didn't want them to think we had a messy house.

Since I banned all electronics my kids friends have had to actually come over to talk to them in person, they've played basketball in the drive, and talked. I have heard laughter and jokes and lots of complaints about the mean mom who banned electronics. We have eaten our meals together and talked over our meal uninterrupted by video beeps, phone tons and text buzzes. Bored to tears without TV, we even went to the park for our family night, fashioned fishing poles and walked across the grass! Right now as I write my kids are baking cookies and finishing up the dishes from lunch. They have are asking friends over – did you know home phones aren't electronic? And, they are getting ready for their grandparents to come and visit – a welcome relief amidst the great ban. The best thing . . . I have not heard one real complaint about doing chores – their focus seems to be on the loss of power . . .

Last night Maddy had a few friends over and as they were helping her do her dishes I asked them if they thought I was a mean mom for making them work and banning electronics. One of the 17 year olds guys said, "Hey, if it works why not?" I decided I liked that kid and he was right. I hadn't yelled, shouted or been mean – all I had to do was ban electronics! In one week, they get electronics back IF and WHEN chores are done and only then. I will let you know how it goes, yet in the meantime, I do believe the secret to getting your kids to do chores without complaint is turning off the electricity! It may be noisier around the house than it is when they are quietly clicking away yet everyone including me are happier! By the way, does anyone need some kittens?